Monday, November 26, 2007

The culprit




I was under a boat in a boatyard today photographing an oily stain on the client's hull when I happen to look up and see the leaker of that very oil docked a short distance away. The infamous Cosco Busan was tied up in the shipyard next to the yacht yard in which I was working.

Damn I'm Tired!!!


It feels like I've slept about four hours in the five weeks since Max was born. In addition to all the baby stuff there has been an unusual amount of survey business lately. My blogging has suffered but I'm here making an effort to post some profound thoughts and observations for my millions of readers. Amazing insight for the day: Babies are hard work.

Hope there will more to follow soon.

Monday, October 22, 2007





Its about 35 hours after the most incredible moment of my life and I'm still kinda speechless, so here are some stats...

10 lbs 3 oz, 21 inches long, drugless natural childbirth, perfect Apgar score, beautiful baby.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Just add infant

Here we are surrounded by baby paraphernalia waiting for a baby. He can show up any day now so we are in a holding pattern; staying vigilant but keeping calm.

We have taken the classes for childbirth, fatherhood, breastfeeding and newborn parenting. Attended sign language seminar, car seat installation instruction, hospital tour, baby fare and five hundred visits to the OB. The tests have all been taken, the vitamins have been eaten, questions asked and books read. We have narrowed all the choices of pediatricians to two. The baby gear has been bought, contributed or otherwise gathered: stroller, crib, bassinet, baby furniture, diapers, wipes, a million little articles of clothing, bags, car seat, toys, bath, books...

We are ready to rumble. Bring it on!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Vicarious adventures

Just finished reading "The Happiest Man in the World", an account of the the life of Poppa Neutrino. Among many other things he built this raft out of scrap and sailed it across the Atlantic with his Salvation Navy.

Random Lunacy

Monday, September 10, 2007

To boat or not to boat..


...that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous expenses,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To sell: to float;
No more; and by a sale to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That boat owners are heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To swallow the anchor, to sell;
To sell: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that boat-less sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this floating coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of waves,
The oppressor's slip fees, the proud man's yard bills,
The pangs of scratched gel coat, the law's stupid rules,
The insolence of the USCG and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a Yachtworld listing? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a dirty bottom,
But that the dread of something after selling the boat,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Ms Brody


I've overheard a number of snide comments directed at Sarah since she changed her last name. Apparently there are some women who see themselves as so independent, sophisticated and brave that they are in a position to criticize someone like Sarah for choosing to take her husband's name.

I challenge anyone that dares to look down on that decision to honestly compare themselves to Sarah.

Do they think they are more independent than the woman who has thrice changed careers and excelled at each one? Braver than the woman who finished a marathon on a broken leg? Or maybe they are tougher than the woman who chose to live on a sailboat in New York City with two dogs and a bike messenger through two winters... and then walk away when she had enough. More sophisticated than the woman who can look and feel good about herself without devoting large portions of her time and income to cosmetics and fashion? Do they think her actions are ruled by convention, insecurity or trends? Do those who criticize Sarah really define themselves on their own terms?

In the three years since leaving a successful career in New York to pursue a dream of west coast living she has driven cross-country twice, traveled to Japan (leading her companion by the hand) bought a new home, gotten married, started a family and maintained her professional ambition despite being surrounded by mediocrity at work. All done on her own terms. Eight months preagnant, she gets on a crowded bus everyday and goes to an all boys club of an office in order to pay a mortgage that most American families could never even hope to afford.

She has made a happy and balanced home with a man who has his head on faraway shores half the time. For her love and approval that man has found himself doing things he did not know he was capable of. She is the primary bread-winner, the number cruncher and very often the voice of reason and responsibility... she can also carry ten times her own weight in groceries but thats for another post.

She has the self confidence to dive head first into a decision; changing her name is only one symbol of that confidence. Max is going to know from day one what a strong, independent, brave, resilient, successful and truly beautiful woman is no matter his mom's last name.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Fatherhood Class

My expectant father class lasted only four hours. Two hundred forty minutes may seem like a remarkably brief time to prepare for a lifelong challenge but, not unlike a religious epiphany, its the profundity and relevance of the time that counts.

After the long tedious hours of our childbirth class - where in an effort to gain a tactile understanding of the varying firmness of the cervix during labor we were compelled to touch the tip our noses and the insides of our cheeks - the fatherhood class did no such thing to demean or belittle; it was a reassuring boost to my enthusiasm towards child related matters.

Unlike the childbirth class's instructor, whose accurate description would require cruelty I'm not capable of, the Fatherhood class was taught by an actual real life father. In addition to having done that particular deed, Armin had written a number of respected parenting books, hosts a radio show about parenting, is a former Marine Corps interrogator and best of all, had useful information he was able to convey without treating his students like slack jawed mouth breathers. Regardless of the subject matter many instructors seem to design their lessons for the stupidest person that is likely to attend; if the pupil managed to pull pants on and get to the classroom without natural selection weeding them out, the pace and tone of instruction is geared to that particular lowest common denominator incarnate. Not so with Armin, this guy knew what we wanted to know and simply told it to us. There is nothing like the feeling of satisfaction derived from a veil of ignorance being lifted. Nothing relieves anxiety like relevant information, just as nothing stokes the fire of fear like stupid distraction and meaningless drivel. I remember being thrilled about learning Roman numerals on the very first day of third grade, I figured at that rate I’d have acquired the entire wealth of human knowledge by Junior High.

So, what did I learn that was so wonderful? Here it is: I learnt several baby holding techniques that allow for my freedom of movement and for the babies comfort. We got to practice the holds on little fake babies. I also learnt that baby poo does not stink as long as he’s breastfeeding. Do not shake the baby, throw him in the air or leave him alone on the changing table. Babies may be very ugly when they get out of the womb; acne, blotches, jaundice and weird dandruff are normal and will go away. I learnt all the stages of awareness, what the baby can be expected to do. I now know about merconium, colstrum, placentas and umbilical stubs. There is good vomit and bad vomit, normal crying and pain crying. It is impossible to spoil a baby in the first six months so you should always pick him up when he cries… except when you are angry, then you must put the baby down.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Bullet Proof Baby Stroller

Our new baby registry

This site has it all. Bullet proof strollers, Kevlar vests for baby, helmets... everything! I used to be worried about the weekly shootings on the corner but now we're set! Thanks for the link Dave.





http://www.bulletproofbaby.net

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Monday, August 20, 2007

Dead Guy

The authorities: Hello San Francisco 311, how can I help you?

Me: Hi, there's a dead guy in a bag on the corner of Sansome and Broadway.

The authorities: He's dead? Are you sure he's dead?

Me: Yeah, he looks dead.

The authorities: Would you like me to call the police?

Me: If they're the ones that handle it. I just thought you should know theres a dead guy.

The authorities: Are you sure he wasn't a homeless person sleeping?

Me: He probably was homeless...

The authorities: So you're not sure he's dead.

Me: I think he's a dead homeless guy.

The authorities: Did you check to see if he's dead?

Me: He was stiff and his head was wrapped tight in the bag, people don't sleep like that.

The authorities: Are you near him now?

Me: No.

The authorities: Where is he?

Friday, August 17, 2007

Next year I can't be president.


When assigned by our second grade teacher, Miss Kern, to sketch a picture of our chosen profession, little Bill Bardwell immediately drew the figure of a nuclear physicist. His dad worked at the Indian Point nuclear plant, apparently with a beaker in his hand and the words "Nuclear Phssist" written on his lab coat.

I remember being surprised that I had to choose a career at that point in life. This is my earliest memory of the pressure to be something, and naturally it caused me some anxiety. I'm proud to say that I overcame my initial apprehension, got my crayon down to paper and whipped up the image of the potential job which appealed to me most. My work of art was a composite of fuzzy images gathered from staying up late to watch Steve Martin and Dan Akroyd on SNL. I applied all my stick figure scrawling skills to to depict a comedian engaged in the act of joke telling. I was proud and pleased with my choice, it was unique among a class full of wanna-be astronauts and Yankee first basemen. My aspirations to comic genius were, to me, even more impressive than that little punk Bardwell's future of nuke mongering.

I believe the eggplant-shaped Miss Kern must have gotten into teaching to crush the spirits of little children because that bitch told me "comedian" was not a real job. This threw me into crisis and, in a panic, I asked her what a real job was. What should I be? She told me, probably with cynicism that my young ears were not yet tuned to detect, that "President" was a real job I could do. I now know she was almost certainly being sarcastic, but, at the time, I was flattered and became eager to achieve my destiny.

It should be pointed out that all this followed the "Happy Fucking Valentines Day" incident. That story in short: The eggplant/teacher had the class make Valentines Day cards and the only thing I spelled correctly on my card was the expletive. My parents were called in and presented with the atrocity I had created. They feigned shock and horror while suppressing laughter, but Kern saw through it. As a result of my H.F.V.D. card and my parents subdued reaction to it, the eggplant picked on me ever after. I still don't know exactly what she must have done to cripple my education at that crucial point but I think I can blame her for my inability to spell.

Anyway, for some reason the idea to be president stuck with me right through hundreds of cut classes in high school and even survived a year or two after dropping out of college. I think the realization that the dream was dead hit me during my messenger days... it became apparent that I was just too far down to get that high up. My present had become sufficiently sordid to burden my future with a shady past.

Yesterday was my 34th birthday, which means that next year I will be the minimum age to serve as President Of The United Sates, or POTUS as the secret service guys in the movies call it. Sometimes I wish I could say that I squandered my chances to be commander-in-chief with an ill advised career as a comedian, but alas, I didn't screw things up exactly the way I intended to. Instead I get paid to write about broken stuff on boats. Occasionally folks even pay me just to go for a sail and look knowledgeable while scribbling notes. Maybe I could have/should/will do better, but I really can't complain right now. It could certainly be worse. I wonder if that Bardwell chump is about to preside over the next Chernobyl.

Monday, August 6, 2007

Diapers

A few days ago I mentioned Barry Bonds in a post and now I have ads for "legal steroids " appearing above. Well, I wonder what would happen if I said something about diapers, diapers, diapers.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

"Marine Mischief"



Watch this video

Read this article

This is just the kind of thing I love about New York. It's not just the nut-case himself, but the peoples reaction, the overwhelming police response, the hilarious article in the Times and then everything back to normal.

My favorite quotes... “We start arguing with each other and saying, ‘Hey, you’re doing that wrong', and then we realize there is no right way to do this.” He added grumpily, “I’ve basically been wading around in this water for three days in my underwear.”
Also pretty funny...“I’m not really a very technical kind of guy,” he said, sitting shirtless on the pier Thursday with various green things still clinging to his arms from the water. “I just guessed a lot on this.” Asked how he planned to get back to shore after the tide carried him out to the cruise ship, he grinned. “I haven’t really thought about that yet,” he said.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Is it cheating if everyone does it?


One school of thought would say no, it's not cheating if everyone in any given competition is taking steroids - there is no unfair advantage. Would the argument then be that if you really want to win badly enough, the price is taking more drugs and sacrificing your health more than the guy you want to beat? If becoming a chemist's pin cushion is the main path to glory, well then sure, by any means necessary.

This system works fine for everyone except those for whom the no-drugs rules are designed to protect: the athletes who wish to compete with nothing but their own abilities, training and effort. The look the other way culture of drug enforcement is also detrimental to the fans who want to see an event unfold on the road, not in the lab. These may be cheesy sentiments said many times before but they really do ring true. What if we missed the next Eddy Merckx because he was overshadowed by those whose hearts pumped chemicals?

So why do people condemn the Tour when the organizers make such painfully brave decisions to do what's necessary to clean up the sport? Probably because John Q. Dumb-ass has the attention span of a flea and likes to jump to easy conclusions without a second thought. Phil Liggett says that this is the Tour's finest hour and I agree. Pro cycling is facing up to a problem by temporarily sacrificing some prestige in order to restore the true integrity of the sport. The phrase "confronting an inconvenient truth" comes to mind. This is something Major League Baseball doesn't have the balls to do. Giant headed Bonds is about to cheat his way past the home run record with the blessing of his commissioner. Its the same behavior displayed by the Bush administration: as long as you don't admit a problem, it doesn't not exist. Your greatest hero uses illegal performance enhancers? You just pushed the world closer to total chaos? You've made a mockery of our system of government by standing by your appointee to the highest law enforcement position in the land as he smirks while repeated lying to congress? Don't worry, it will all just go away. By that I mean it will be buried just deep enough to fester into a cancer that will eventually doom us all.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

No more rust


We have a special attachment to this car.

When the movers were gone everything left had to fit in the car. Parked on the street in Brooklyn we packed and repacked until achieving the perfect sequence of stuffing and cramming to fit all our belongings into the trunk and back seat with just enough room left for us and the dog. The bikes went on the roof rack and we were at last completely self contained in a twelve year old car of questionable background. Our situation bore similarities to the Joads and other Oakies setting out west in overstuffed vehicles only to encounter Grapes of Wrath. As we sat in the Key Food parking lot on the verge of our great adventure across the country I was fairly certain we were just a few hours away from being broken down somewhere in Jersey. Instead, we zipped over the East river, across Canal Street, through the Holland Tunnel, and in true New Yorker poster style, to points west. The zigzag course across the country included Niagara Falls, Canada, Detroit, Iowa, Montana and Colorado. Our trusty old diesel tacked across the country at 80 mph getting up to 40 miles per gallon. It didn’t slow down when we hit the Rockies and didn’t falter on exploratory trips down washboard roads, it just kept on going.
It has continued to serve us reliably as we put roots down out here. It has helped me launch my business delivering me safely and promptly through terrible traffic to surveys all over Northern California. We plan to bring home our baby from the hospital in this car. The least we could do was take care of the advancing rust and multiple scrapes and gouges that were becoming impossible to ignore. For the cost of one good survey, Earl Sheib has given our beloved bullet a new life. Sure, there was some “overspray” and a few funny looking spots but at a distance, it looks damn good.
Although we own our home, boat and our child is about to be born here, I can’t help but look at the car as Captain Cook must have looked at the good ship Endeavour anchored somewhere across the globe from England: it got us out here and its our ticket back. Hopefully I won’t be killed and cooked before then.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Fantastic kind of crazy


These folks are sailing across the Atlantic on a boat made of reeds. I love this kind of thing.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Scenes of The City from The Times

These pictures ran with articles in The Times over the past few days. People in true urban heat are photogenic, yet another glory foggy town will never know. Yes, it's true that I do despise heat but it does look good from afar... and I miss complaining about it.



Sunday, July 8, 2007

Art for sale


I painted this here picture, its acrylic on canvas. I'm auctioning it off and the bidding starts at $11,033. Its worth that much because its my first painting, its got lots of swirls and capillaries and that's how much I need for a new boat engine. The $33 covers material expenses. If you,or someone you know, wants my $11k painting, just drop a line. I expect it to go up in value after my moment of greatness on the worldwide stage, which should be any day now.
The survey business is good and getting better all the time, but I'm sure fate is holding all sorts of unexpected expenses to smother any prospect of profit. Just for example, I recently paid $120 for a 14 year old phone bill. Somehow Verizon (NY tel at the time)tracked me down for a 1993 phone bill that my roommate had run up. I knew nothing of it until they found me last week. That's fine, its life. Luckily I will be selling my art and collecting my profits from the Google ads.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Fatherhood training

I'm in the process of fine tuning my fatherhood training regiment. I developed the program for myself to simulate the rigors I'll be facing when Max escapes the womb. Some push ups to build the necessary baby handling strength with running to hone my toddler chasing skills are the physical components of my program. That's the easy part.
The next step is building mental toughness. Just yesterday I practiced patience drills while driving through the city. When the stoner driving the car in front of me takes a full 35 seconds to react to the fact the light has turned green, I do not honk, I do not yell. I take otherwise aggravating situations like that as opportunities to improve my freak out threshold. The freak out (FO)threshold, otherwise known as the "going ape-shit level", is the point at which the day's accumulated aggravation causes an outburst that closely resembles a psychotic episode. In fact, it is semi-controlled pressure relief valve designed to prevent a brain hemorrhage and, more importantly, get the freaker-outer out of the aggrivating situation. Needless to say, super human strength and sub human intelligence become available during the course of the event, the latter attribute being more valuable than it sounds.
My FO threshold has been fairly high since we have move out to Frisco; nothing in this place can recreate the aggravation NYC has to offer. I was a connoisseur of aggravation when I had a one and a half hour commute to work on three subways and bus. The Bx29 full of screaming teenagers, deranged subway riders defecating next to me, and even worse.... people reading the NY Post right in front of me! These were just a few of the daily ingredients that went into an ape-shit pie. Like an unarmed Bernie Goetz I would be forced to occasionally go into vigilante mode on the train... always ugly but usually necessary.
The problem is that the easy living out here has weakened my skills. I'm starting to get bent out of shape by driving, stomping neighbors and people getting shot in the head around the corner. This will not do with a baby on the way, I must improve my FO threshold and patience drill are the only way to go.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

My plan has angered Google

The ad visiting effort has been a great success!! The money actually added up to an amount that, if maintained daily for the next eighteen years, could take a big chunk out of Max's tuition. Thanks to all who showed interest and took the time.

One small problem/opportunity... it seems this scheme has come to the attention of Google, my cyber overlord, who's probably monitoring this post as I type. No sooner than the bounty of all your generous clicks registered, did they send me an e-mail explaining all the prohibited forms of click activity. Apparently, encouraging people to click on the ads is frowned upon. I wrote them back to ask exactly what I am allowed to write and say to my friends and family but they have not yet responded. Should I expect the door to be kicked in any moment? Does Google have its own version of Gitmo?

I have to admit that they might have a point, my actions could be interpreted as exploiting a good service. This blog being provide for free by them could give rise to a school of thought that says: "I will be grateful for this blog, my free e-mail and the ads that target me as I type, the satellite and street view pictures that allow anyone in the world to see me picking my nose in front of my house, the de facto source and organizer of all the worlds information." Who cares if they turn in Chinese web browsers who type words like "democracy", its the Chinese government's right to imprison whoever they want. Its an inevitable accident of the free market that bad things happen in the course of business. Its not like they are telling friends to go to their website and check out the ads. After all, their mission statement is "Do no evil" so they can't possibly be bad.
I realize this logic may seem as tortured as a Chinese web surfer, but if they don't like what I'm doing all I can say is tough freakin' noogies. They should come up with a legal way to stop me. Which gives me an idea. Maybe reckless free speech law suits against giant companies could put Max through school. Why throw pebbles at the moon when I could be hurling boulders at it?

Monday, July 2, 2007

Welcome potential ad clickers!

Glad you could make it to my blog. Have you clicked on the ads yet? You know, young Max Brody gets money when you click on the ads.... so get going. Hell, you can even patronize the sponsors for all I care, as long as Max gets his nickel.
Now that you have clicked on the ads I'll provide some content... just as soon as I go out into the world and experience something interesting to write about. In the mean time, please browse around my blog archives. I recommend the entries from my fear-of- annihilation-by-asteroid phase.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Gangster-type action


I would like to hire someone for a bit of "gangster-type action". I need a person skilled in the arts of knee breaking, poisoning and general roughing up. The individual I have in mind must be self motivated, driven by deep psychosis and comfortable with senseless violence. If some of my tax dollars are already paying for such services, I figure I could write off expenses involved in hiring thugs to take care of folks I don't like.

Here is just one problem my gangster could handle for me:

I can't find a spot for the car anywhere near my home because people in this city don't know how to park; two cars kill a spot in which three should easily fit. It also doesn't help that the radiator shop on the corner parks ten of their client's cars on the block. A personal thug could stand outside with a bat and swing at people who screw up the parking.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Gratuitous criticism

I can't look away from the slow motion nautical car crash that is Reid Stowe. Nearly sixty days in and they are becalmed off the coast of Africa at just the right latitude to be in the path of forming hurricanes. He recently wrote that he expects the trip to start going better because "summer is here". Funny, because his plan is to be sailing into the southern hemisphere where summer is not.

Then again, this small navigational error seems to have them near the house of Saud.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

100 Movies

Docking bay 94, page 73:Johnston ,Navin R., 63 violent crimes, 49 minutes, after 15 it drops you onto the NJ turnpike..

Monday, June 11, 2007

The Odyssey: No Sleep Till Brooklyn

N.S.T.B. is our new mantra. It took Odysseus nine years to get back to Ithaca, the Warriors spent a night and a day returning to the safety of Coney Island, our ETA in Brooklyn is two or three years.
Instead of fighting cyclops in a cave and baseball gangs in Riverside park, we do battle with the inhabitants of Frisco and the evil mortgage monster.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

NASA Explorers Salute Early Settlers

Max's first visit to 79th st



Squeezed in


Here's Shaba stuffed into her new slip, the bowsprit hangs over the front and the steering gear sticks out the back, there's not much room on either side either. Getting the boat through that marina and into the slip is like trying to thread a needle with a tugboat hawser. The real fun of the place is the motion: similar to docking in a washing machine that's falling down a flight of stairs. Rock and roll that requires all my dock line tying skills.
BUT HEY, I'M NOT COMPLAINING... the location can't be beat, I can ride my bike there, bang out of the marina and be sailing under the Golden Gate in an hour or two. I think its the best option for us in this town.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Front Fell Off

I like New York in June

Back at Ice Station Zebra (Frisco) after a 10 day visit to civilization (AKA NYC). Our springtime week in The City only served to reinforce (rub in our faces) this simple truth we figured out too late: New York is better than San Francisco. Of course this statement only holds true for people who wish to confront the world as it really exists; with art springing from filth, music mingled in noise, aroma chasing stench and weeks of beautiful weather sandwiched between the painful cold and brutal heat. Those who wish to hide in a fog bank on this windy left coast until they're shaken off the edge the continent, may go ahead and disagree.

We do owe Frisco (locals seem to think its uncool to call it that but I believe Otis Redding would disagree)for providing us with a platform of perspective....

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

- T.S. Eliot

We were exploring the possibility of a more comfortable life and found that the best kind of comfort comes from struggle and challenge. If I gave more credence to providence and faith I might say we ended up starting our family out here because it was meant to be. I'm more inclined to say our timing was a bit screwed up but the ease of life here has given us the slack, the breathing room, to bring Max into the world. So, as long as we return to Gotham before our son becomes a Friscian, it will all be for the best. My biggest regret, and my first mistake as a parent, is that the poor boy will not be born in NYC.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Water, just add boat


Our new slip at Pier 39 is paid for and waiting for Shaba. If all goes according to plan the new marina will be a vast improvement in our west coast boating life. Goodbye to daily 30 knot wind through the San Bruno coastal gap, see ya airport, so long 45 minute drive... hello hoards of brain dead tourists, howdy ferry wake and looking forward to meeting you, yet undiscovered torment.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Bad Service

This morning I am employed in the important business of fixing stupid things. Instead of spending my time making progress in life, I am correcting the failures of the following organizations:

1. Soldboats.com - A vendor I use for boat valuations has mis-charged my credit card
for the third time. I waste a lot time on these idiots but I need the service.

2. Chase Manhattan Bank - They issued the credit card that was misused by Soldboats.
I spent an hour on the phone with their people in India. Disconnected twice and was not helped at all.

3. Gmail - Absolutely no record of half the e-mails I sent yesterday.

4. HP and Microsoft - Don't know where to start there.

5. The liars that sold us this place - The construction below goes on. The floor vibrates from hammer blows, the noise and dirt are endless.

6. Comcast - The phone and internet have not worked correctly since the start. It is causing me problems.

7. Washington Mutual Bank - Can't gain access to my personal account and they have no idea why. They admit a problem but seem to be unable to help me.

8. T-Mobile - No access to my online account, their site is down as usual. They want to charge me for making my payment by phone.

9. Firestone Service center - Installed new brakes in car for a lot of money. A month later and that have started squeaking like crazy.

That was just this morning! I'm marching through many hours of aggravation just to get what I paid for. Here is why so many companies can provide bad service: they don't care and they don't have to care. They can live without me but I can't do too well without them. If I had the time and space to do so I'd figure out how to fix my own damn brakes. Every lifestyle has its aggravations. If I lived on a tropical island I'd probably be harassed by bugs or something. For the time being I will spend the untold hours trying to sort these things out, but... I will also be trying to figure out how to eventually phase out this crap and worry about bugs and stuff instead.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Separating the vision from the visionary

Since meeting Reid Stowe a few years ago on a dock at Chelsea Piers I've felt the need to come to some sort of conclusion about him. I saw him as a call to define my world view and choose sides: was he a deranged fruitcake or a visionary mystic? It had nothing to do with any other people, just the impression that what I had to say about him would say something about me.

The setting of that first close encounter was a wild west-side party on the Hudson river with all sorts of psychotropic stuff floating around. I knew this guy was consuming but I also knew that nobody can get high enough to say the kind of crazy shit that was coming out of his mouth. His self-built 30 year old, 60 foot long, steel schooner was tied up a few feet away from us as he explained how he was going to sail it to no place in particular for 1000 days. He and his wife had just returned from their honeymoon cruise of three months tracing the outline of a continent sized sea turtle in the middle of the Atlantic. They were getting a divorce. His new big idea was to sail this funky boat, telephone pole masts and all, out of sight of land, alone, or with another willing soul if one was to be found, for just over three years. He was looking for sponsorship, contributions or volunteer support in the boats preparation. Among other ideas, he thought NASA could learn from him when they planned a trip to Mars.

We had been introduced by a mutual friend, Reid had no reason to believe I could be of any help to him at all but he made his version of a sales pitch just as he would have presented to a Nike exec. He was enthusiastic, sincere, arrogant and over the top. He had some sort of past relationship with the great sailing vagabond philosopher Bernard Moitessier and Reid obviously fancied himself a disciple of that hero of mine. I had avidly read all Moitessier’s books and was sympathetic and open to his premise of harmony with the sea and self sufficiency. I even liked the story of dolphins warning him about a navigation error. But, on that night and in meetings to follow, I was not as receptive to the persona of Reid delivering that message. I still can’t put my finger on it but he just seemed too damned flakey to be undertaking what could otherwise be such a fantastic trip. Despite reports of his vast sailing experience he seemed all romanticism and no reality. The great solo ocean voyager I imagine goes largely unsung and is certainly never caught self promoting. Just shy of winning the first solo circumnavigators race Moitessier turned around and headed for Tahiti; he shunned the attention and sought the solitude.

Had he had his way I believe Reid would be sailing under the banners of Fortune 500 companies, but that was not to be (GE doesn’t bring lunatic sailor men to light, they bring good things). It seems he did manage some corporate support from the sailing world and some organic food vendors, among others… impressive really when you consider he invented a dream and got someone to pay him to live it. He also managed to get a 23 year old girlfriend (I think about 30 years his junior) who is going with him. She has absolutely no sailing experience other than a few trips up and down the Hudson. Most people would apply their righteous indignation here and say that it is terribly irresponsible to bring that poor girl along. Maybe as dangerous as hurdling down the freeway at 80 mph while talking on a cell phone and drinking coffee.

Professionally, I can find a thousand flaws with his boat, his preparation and execution. My sensibilities can find his behavior and cloths outrageous and his personality ridiculous. But, here I am several paragraphs in and still writing about his crazy scheme. I find myself daydreaming about it. 1000 days from land is an interesting, creative endeavor and I’m glad their trying it. As for my passing judgment on him, I have decided deranged fruitcakes can occasionally do great things. The ultimate judgment will be whether he makes it or not.

On that note I can’t resist adding my prediction: If she does not break an arm in her first rough seaway, they will return in a few months due to a contaminated freshwater supply… I hope I’m wrong.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

999 days to go

I will let this explain itself for now...

Friday, April 20, 2007

Love & Marriage



After 12 years of domestic partnership now it's really official, the robed lady in the big building says we're married. We now have our piece of paper from the city hall... the same city hall that dared to marry same-sex couples not long ago. Other important robed people in an even larger building decided their pieces of paper were no good. Now they are no longer married for no other reason than their chromosomes go xy and xy or yy and yy.
As unfair as that is, it was good for us because the line was short and we got right in. The entire experience was very enjoyable and perfectly affordable. For less than my fee for a small boat survey we got to exchange vows inside a fantastically beautiful and important looking building. We can now point to that big golden dome from any number of scenic vantage points around the city and say "thats where we got hitched".

Thursday, April 12, 2007

So it goes.


One of the authors responsible for my world view, sense of humor and ability to cope, has successfully committed suicide by Pall Mall.

A grand and meaningful act of tribute is called for.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

He is no longer an it.


Our baby has passed HIS first test, eliminating the biggest potential genetic problems and revealing HIS X and Y. Oh boy!
The search for a name now begins in earnest.

Friday, March 30, 2007

Getting bigger...



So far so good. The images from the latest ultrasound revealed a much more recognizable smudge. In 8-10 days we should get the results from todays' CVS procedure. It will hopefully eliminate nearly all serious genetic defects. We will also then know what gender astronaut we are dealing with.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Application from Fetus Brody


Fetus Brody has contacted me telepathically and advised of her/his intention to become an astronaut. I now clearly see my role in the worldwide struggle to prevent annihilation by asteroid: I must raise the destroyer of near earth objects. Other than the prenatal preparations already underway, I think this ASTRONAUT SCHOOL would be a good place to start. Anything less than my child saving humanity from an asteroid would mark my failure as a parent... not to mention all the negatives associated with humanity's demise.

John W. Backus, 82, Fortran Developer, Dies

An interesting obituary in the Times.

"Fortran changed the terms of communication between humans and computers, moving up a level to a language that was more comprehensible by humans. So Fortran, in computing vernacular, is considered the first successful higher-level language."

I like happening across people like this, although its too bad they usually have to die before folks like me notice them. Its encouraging to be able to trace the outrageous growth and expansion of technology back to mortals.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Crazy Radar



Whats that blip on the radar screen... container ship? Super tanker? No, its much, much bigger. So big that by the time our courses intersect this voyage will never be the same.

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Mystery


In a growing number of national news stories this guy has been described as "the nation's preeminent computer scientist", "programmer responsible for the software that runs ATM's and Google Earth" and winner of the A.M. Turing Award -- the "Nobel Prize of computer science"... smart guy. Last Sunday he singlehanded his 40 C&C (nice boat) out of SF bay and about 20 miles west to the Farallon islands, where he planned to scatter the ashes of his recently deceased 97 year old mother. He has not been heard from since. Sunday was calm, beautiful day for a sail and Gray was an experienced sailor very familiar with the trip to the Faralons. The Coast Guard has had good weather for the search and they have deployed all sorts of resources... not a sign. The boat was reportedly well equipped but no EPIRB signal has been detected.
I'm glad I didn't survey this boat.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Hip Urban Bliss


According to the brochure we're about to become hip blissful urbanites. Upon closing the deal on a two bedroom in a TIC near Alamo Square we will acquire our new status as "HUB'S" or "BHU"s", its like the new yuppie. I, as one of the prototypes of this new demographic, will be able to define its style, look and attitude. I feel tremendous responsibility to shape a suitable mold from which the all the following BHU's are to be cast. Seeing as how achieving this title will have a long term constraining effect on our spending habits, I'm thinking everything I happen to own right now will have to do as far as early BHU fashion goes... one old suit, lots of dirty jeans, mismatching socks, some sweaters and sweatshirts and a few pairs of serviceable sneakers. (I should also include a pair of good new jeans that took me several months and about five returns to get right, which meant turning the project over to Sarah in the end.)
As for my idea of BHU attitude: Cautious lack of pessimism bordering on optimism with an ever vigilant weather eye on the western sky. Healthy paranoia balanced by measured apathy. Maybe the ideal should strive for being one or two notches short of every criteria for diagnosable disorders in the latest version of the DSM. If the book says 30 days a year for so and so disorder, the BHU will do it 28 times a year.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Not what I needed to hear...


Just when I was starting to feel good about things, the bulletin of atomic scientists advanced their DOOMSDAY CLOCK two minutes, its now "five to midnight".

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Good News


When I watched this video a flicker of optimism briefly flashed across my psyche. I have allowed myself to be inspired by this guy before, not because he is a great speaker, but because I can't find bullshit in every sentence he utters. He may be full of crap but the fact that I can't tell fills me with hope. Elders tell stories of another young politician who people like me were enthusiastic about. I wonder how that worked out.
I guess what could go wrong matters less than what might go right. As I'm getting ready to invest in society like I never have before, Obamas' announcement is encouraging. I will not yet have to resort to building an ark. Also, the next time some right wing nut case yells that Hillary is the devil, I will be able to relate in some small way.

Friday, January 12, 2007

seconds

If nothing else gets you this is how many seconds you may have to live. As of a few minutes ago I had 1,273,893,759 seconds left. I think I'll have a party when I hit an even billion, maybe by then I'll have a few friends to invite. Maybe losing my morbid obsessions would help on that front.
I dedicate this post to my late laptop and the past two years of files that I lost today. Yeah, some of the important stuff was backed up but I still lost loads of good pictures, music and who knows what else. Spent $40 on, and the last six hours with, a recovery disc that yielded a frustrating random mix of pictures that only served to hint at some sort of interesting life before this dark day.

Tuesday, January 9, 2007


Great shirt.
Just incase the image is too small to see it, this guy is peeking out of his bomb shelter. I really like the idea of bomb shelters.

Monday, January 8, 2007

He who smelled it....

There was a stink in the city today.
"It did not originate in Jersey," Maria Pignataro, a press secretary for the Jersey City mayor's office, told CNN as emergency officials tried to pinpoint the source of the smell. Yeah right! Jersey's main export is stink and big haired people. If all of Manhattan smells bad it need only look upwind (west)for the culprit.

Sunday, January 7, 2007

Cheap and dry sailing

This sail simulator is kinda fun. If it were developed into a full video game I might be tempted to purchase my first Nintendo thingy.

One more thing to look for on surveys.

I don't think we'll see "the rat collector" on the cover of any sailing magazines any time soon. Too bad; I would be interested in reading the kind of publication willing to feature such a man. This guy was charged with animal cruelty for keeping dozens of rats confined in a small space... the cabin of his 29' sailboat. Maybe this was a new provisioning strategy, or perhaps he was developing a method of harnessing their power for propulsion. If only "Demented Sailing" magazine existed we could get to the bottom of it.
If, in the eyes of the law, a 29' sailboat is too small for some rats to live aboard, I wonder what the minimum size is for a human.

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

"Whadda they want for their lousy 35 cents..."


To appreciate "The Taking of Pelham 123" is to understand:
1- What a real New Yorker is.
2- True diversity and why its a fascinating, wonderful mess.
3- Comparing other cities to the one true Gotham is ridiculous.
4- The early seventies produced greatness.
5- A bad attitude is often the best attitude.


I wish to spread the good word: Careful and repeated watching of "The Taking of Pelham 123" can awaken us all. We are asleep in a swamp of highly processed, calculating, artless and over marketed schlock that is passing as entertainment/art. Not surprising considering the bland and insulated lives of most Americans; how can one relate to anything but the simplest emotions and most familiar stereotypes when an isolating little automobile is the only transportation they know? To know urban life is to love watching it played out in an improbable scenario, an only in New York type of situation. Its hard to find a film that so gracefully glorifies reality as does this 1974 masterpiece. Maybe Midnight Cowboy.
The most obvious heist from this movie is Terrentinos' use of color coded names, as in "Mr. Blue"... its an often cited fact but not so interesting. More noteworthy is the Mayors office scene in "Ghostbusters", watch and see. Just make sure its the '74 version, not the worthless 90's remake. Matthau and Shaw are credited but the beautiful aggravation of NYC stars.